The madman 瘋子

HOW I BECAME A MADMAN

我怎樣變成了瘋子

 

You ask me how I became a madman.

你問我怎樣變成了瘋子。

It happened thus: One day, long before many gods were born, I woke from a deep sleep and found all my masks were stolen -- the seven masks I have fashioned and worn in seven lives -- I ran maskless through the crowded streets shouting, "Thieves, thieves, the cursed thieves."

事情是這樣的：在諸神還未誕生之前，一天，我從沈睡中醒過來，發現我所有的面具都被盜走了——那是我鑄制的、並在七生中戴過的七個面具。——沒有了面具，我赤裸著臉奔跑著穿過擁擠的街道，喊著："竊賊！竊賊！該詛咒的竊賊!"

Men and women laughed at me and some ran to their houses in fear of me.

男人們和女人們都在笑我，也有人因懼怕我而躲進屋裡。

And when I reached the market place, a youth standing on a house top cried, "He is a madman." I looked up to behold him; the sun kissed my own naked face for the first time. For the first time the sun kissed my own naked face and my soul was inflamed with love for the sun, and I wanted my masks no more. And as if in a trance I cried, "Blessed, blessed are the thieves who stole my masks."

當我跑到市場，一個青年站在屋頂上高喊："這人是個瘋子" 我擡頭向他望去，此時，陽光第—次吻了我袒露的臉龐。這是第一次，陽光親吻我袒露的面頰，我的靈魂燃起了對太陽的愛意。那些面具我不再需要了。我仿佛在迷離中喊出："有福了，有福了，那偷去我面具的竊賊們有福了！" 

Thus I became a madman.

就這樣，我變成了瘋子。

And I have found both freedom and safety in my madness; the freedom of loneliness and the safety from being understood, for those who understand us enslave something in us.

在瘋狂中我發現了自由和安寧：由孤獨而來的自由，由不被人瞭解而來的安寧；因爲那些瞭解我們的人，在某些方面也在奴役我們。

But let me not be too proud of my safety. Even a Thief in a jail is safe from another thief.

不過，我還是不要爲自己的安寧而過分自得吧，因爲甚至那些監囚中的強盜，也享受著安寧，用不著提防其他強盜。

 

WHEN MY SORROW WAS BORN

當我的憂愁降生時

 

When my sorrow was born I nursed it with care, and watched over it with loving tenderness.

當我的憂愁降生的時候，我精心地看護她，用溫柔的愛心照顧她。

And my Sorrow grew like all living things, strong and beautiful and full of wondrous delights.

於是我的憂愁像其他一切有生命的事物一樣，成長起來，變得強壯而美麗，充滿著令人驚歎的喜悅。

And we loved one another, my Sorrow and I, and we loved the world about us; for Sorrow had a kindly heart and mine was kindly with Sorrow

我與憂愁彼此相愛，我們也愛著周圍的世界；因爲我的憂愁有一顆善良的心，而我的心由於有了憂愁而良善。

And when we conversed, my Sorrow and I, our days were winged and our nights were girdled with dreams; for Sorrow had an eloquent tongue, and mine was eloquent with Sorrow.

當我與憂愁交談時，我們的白天飛逝而過，夜晚也充滿著幻夢；因爲我的憂愁有著雄辯的口才，而我的談吐也因有了憂愁而變得高明。

And when we sang together, my Sorrow and I, our neghbors sat at their windows and listenend; for our songs were deep as the sea and our melodies were full of strange memories.

當我與憂愁一起歌唱時，鄰居們坐在窗前聆聽；因爲我們的歌，如大海般深沈，我們的旋律，充滿著奇妙的回憶。

And when we walked together, my Sorrow and I, people gazed at us with gentle eyes and whispered in words of exceeding sweetness. And there were those who looked with envy upon us, for Sorrow was a noble thing and I was proud with Sorrow.

當我與憂愁漫步時，人們用溫和的目光注視著我們，以甜蜜動人的話語低聲稱道我們。也有人從目光中流露妒意；因爲我的憂愁是如此高貴雅逸，我以我的憂愁為傲。

But my Sorrow died, like all living things, and alone I am left to muse and ponder.

但我的憂愁死去了，像一切有生命的事物一樣，只留下我獨自在世上沈思。

Aw when I speak my words fall heavily upon my ears.

現在，當我開口說話時，只有笨重的言語散落耳旁。

And when I sing my songs my neighbours come not to listen.

當我歌唱時，不再有鄰人前來聆聽。

And when I walk the streets no one looks at me.

當我漫步街頭時，也不再有人注視。

Only in my sleep I hear voices saying in pity, "See, there lies the man whose Sorrow is dead."

只有在睡夢中，我才聽到一個憐憫的聲音："看啊，這裏躺著的人，他的憂愁已經死去。"

 

AND WHEN MY JOY WAS BORN

當我的歡樂降生時

 

And hen my joy was born I held it in my arms and stood on the house-top shouting, "Come ye, my neighbours, come and see, for Joy this day is born unto me. Come and behold this gladsome thing that laugheth in the sun."

當我的歡樂降生時，我雙手環抱著它。站在屋頂大喊："快來吧，鄰居們，快來看呀；我的快樂今天降生了，來看看這令人高興的小東西，它還在陽光下歡笑呢！"

But none of my neighbours came to look upon my Joy, and great was my astonishment.

但，竟沒有一位鄰居來看我的歡樂一眼，使我驚訝非常。

And every day for seven moons I proclaimed my Joy from the house-top -- and yet no one heeded me. And my Joy and I were alone, unsought and unvisited.

一連七個月，我每天都站在屋頂炫耀我的歡樂，可惜依然沒人留意我。我與我的歡樂孤寂獨處，從無一人來探究和拜訪。

Then my Joy grew pale and weary because no other heart but mine held its loveliness and no other lips kissed its lips.

漸漸地我的歡樂枯萎、憔悴了；因爲除了我的心，再沒有別人的心愛憐它，除了我的唇，再沒有別人的唇親吻它。

Then my Joy died of isolation.

終於，我的歡樂在孤獨中死去。

And now I only remember my dead Joy in remembering my dead Sorrow. But memory is an autumn leaf that murmurs in the wind and then is heard no more

現在，只有在回憶死去的憂愁時，我才會回想起這死去的快樂。但回憶只像一片秋葉，在風中低語片刻後就飄逝得無聲無息了。

 

GOD

主

 

In the ancient days, when the first quiver of speech came to my lips, I ascended the holy mountain and spoke unto God, saying, "Master, I am thy slave. Thy hidden will is my law and I shall obey thee for ever more."

在遠古的口子裏，當第—句顫抖的話語從我唇間滑出，我攀上聖山，對主說道："主人，我是袮的奴隸。袮隱匿的意願就是我的法旨，我對袮的服從是永恒的，甚至比永恒更長久。"

But God made no answer, and like a mighty tempest passed away.

但主沒有回答，只是像—陣強勁的風暴從我身邊沖過而遠去了。

 And after a thousand years I ascended the holy mountain and again spoke unto God, saying, "Creator, I am thy creation. Out of clay hast thou fashioned me and to thee I owe mine all."

一千年過去了，我再次攀上聖山，對主說道："造物主，我是袮的創作。袮用泥土塑成了我，我所有的一切無不沐浴著袮的恩惠。"

And God made no answer, but like a thousand swift wings passed away.

主沒有回答，只是像千隻敏捷的飛翼迅速從我身邊掠過而遠去了。

 And after a thousand years I climbed the holy mountain and spoke unto God again, saying, "Father, I am thy son. In pity and love thou hast given me birth, and through love and worship I shall inherit thy kingdom."

又一千年過去，我爬上聖山，再次對主說道 : "父親，我是袮的兒子。是從袮的慈悲和仁愛而生，我崇拜袮，我熱愛袮，從而我將繼承袮的王權。"

And God made no answer, and like the mist that veils the distant hills he passed away.

主依然沒有回答，只是像一片輕籠遠山的薄霧從我身邊飄然遠去了。

And after a thousand years I climbed the sacred mountain and again spoke unto God, saying, "My God, my aim and my fulfilment; I am thy yesterday and thou art my tomorrow. I am thy root in the earth and thou art my flower in the sky, and together we grow before the face of the sun."

又過了一千年，我再次登上聖山，對主說道 : "我主，我的人生目標，我的終極歸宿，我是袮的昨日，你是我的明天，我是袮生在大地上的根，袮是我開在天空中的花朵，我們同在太陽的注視下成長。"

Then God leaned over me, and in my ears whispered words of sweetness, and even as the sea that enfoldeth a brook that runneth down to her, he enfolded me.

於是主俯過身來，在我耳邊輕說著甜蜜的話語，就好像大海包進了向著它奔流而下的小溪，衪包融了我。

And when I descended to the valleys and the plains God was there also.

當我走下山峰，走向山谷和平原，主也在那裡。

 

THE PERFECT WORLD

完美的世界

 

God of lost souls, thou who art lost amongst the gods, hear me:

隱沒於衆神之中、主宰著迷茫靈魂的神啊，請聽我說；

Gentle Destiny that watchest over us, mad, wandering spirits, hear me:

仁慈寬厚的命運之神，守護著我們狂亂魂魄的神靈啊，請聽我說；

I dwell in the midst of a perfect race, I the most imperfect.

我置身于完美的民族之中，自己卻最不完美。

I, a human chaos, a nebula of confused elements, I move amongst finished worlds -- peoples of complete laws and pure order, whose thoughts are assorted, whose dreams are arranged, and whose visions are enrolled and registered.

我，紛擾的世人，迷蒙的星雲，在完美無缺的世界裏遊移。這裏，人們有完善的法律，純正的制度，他們的思想有條不紊，他們的夢幻井然有序，他們的觀點註冊登記。

Their virtues, O God, are measured, their sins are weighed, and even the countless things that pass in the dim twilight of neither sin nor virtue are recorded and catalogued.

他們的美德，噢，主呀，會被量度；他們的惡行，會被稱過；就算是那些既非德行亦非惡行，在朦朧中掠過的數不清的瑣事，也會被記錄及分類。

Here days and nights are divided into seasons of conduct and governed by rules of blameless accuracy.

這裏，晝夜劃分爲節令，行事皆有定時，並以精確而無可挑剔的方式進行管理。

To eat, to drink, to sleep, to cover one's nudity, and then to be weary in due time.

吃飯、飲水、睡眠，爲裸露的身軀穿上衣衫，然後在已定的時刻産生倦意；

To work, to play, to sing, to dance, and then to lie still when the clock strikes the hour.

工作、娛樂、唱歌、跳舞，然後在入寢鐘敲響時去安睡；

To think thus, to feel thus much, and then to cease thinking and feeling when a certain star rises above yonder horizon.

這樣那樣地思考、感受，然後當某個星辰於遙遠的天際升起時，便停止思考和感受；

To rob a neighbour with a smile, to bestow gifts with a graceful wave of the hand, to praise prudently, to blame cautiously, to destroy a soul with a word, to burn a body with a breath, and then to wash the hands when the day's work is done.

面帶微笑地搶劫鄰人，風度翩翩地饋贈禮品；謹慎地贊許，溫婉地責備；用隻言片語滅絕一個靈魂，在一呼一吸之間焚毀一個軀體，然後，當諸事完畢時去洗淨雙手；

To love according to an established order, to entertain one's best self in a pre-conceived manner, to worship the gods becomingly, to intrigue the devils artfully -- and then to forget all as though memory were dead.

照一定的模式去施愛，按預設的程式來娛人；恰如其分地膜拜神靈，靈活巧妙地私通魔鬼，然後忘掉一切，就像記憶已經逝去；

To fancy with a motive, to contemplate with consideration, to be happy sweetly, to suffer nobly -- and then to empty the cup so that tomorrow may fill it again.

帶著目的去想象，帶著謹慎去遐思，甜蜜地享受，高貴地受苦，然後倒空杯盞，以便翌日再度將其斟滿。

All these things, O God, are conceived with forethought, born with determination, nursed with exactness, governed by rules, directed by reason, and then slain and buried after a prescribed method. And even their silent graves that lie within the human soul are marked and numbered.

所有這一切，噢，主呀，都是因謀劃而確立，經決定而降生，一切均受到悉心照料，且爲各種規則所制約，由各種理念所指導，然後，被毀滅被埋葬於受控的秩序中。甚至那些人類靈魂深處的寥寂的墳墓，也都被標上記號，點清數目。

It is a perfect world, a world of consummate excellence, a world of supreme wonders, the ripest fruit in God's garden, the master-thought of the universe.

這是一個完美的世界，一個無與倫比的美妙的世界，一個充滿奇觀的世界；這是上帝園中最爲成熟的果實，是宇宙思想的極致。

But why should I be here, O God, I a green seed of unfulfilled passion, a mad tempest that seeketh neither east nor west, a bewildered fragment from a burnt planet?

但是，我爲甚麼會在這裏，啊，主呀，我是一顆激情尚未勃發的不成熟的種子，一股不知刮向東方還是西方的風暴，一塊來自被焚毀星球的隕片。

Why am I here, O God of lost souls, thou who art lost amongst the gods?

隱沒於衆神之中、主宰著迷惘靈魂的神啊，我爲甚麼會在這裏？

 

MY FRIEND

我的朋友

 

My friend, I am not what I seem. Seeming is but a garment I wear -- a care-woven garment that protects me from thy questionings and thee from my negligence.

我的朋友，我並不是那樣子的。那只不過是罩在我身外的一襲衣飾——精心織製的衣飾。它能將我好好地保護，屏除你一切的問號，也能謹慎地掩蓋著我的粗疏。

The "I" in me, my friend, dwells in the house of silence, and therein it shall remain for ever more, unperceived, unapproachable.

朋友，那在我體內的"真我"會被深鎖於沈默之屋中，它將緘默，直至永遠，無人知曉，不被接近。

I would not have thee believe in what I say nor trust in what I do -- for my words are naught but thy own thoughts in sound and my deeds thy own hopes in action.

我並不求你相信我所說的，也不要你信任我所做的——因爲我的言語並無意義，只不過是將你的思想配上聲音而已，而我的作爲也不過是將你的希冀付諸行動罷了。

When thou sayest, "The wind bloweth eastward," I say, "Aye, it doth blow eastward"; for I would not have thee know that my mind doth not dwell upon the wind but upon the sea.

當你說："這風是從東方吹來的。" 我應聲道："是啊，這風確是從東方吹來。'因爲我不想讓你知道我的心靈並非漂蕩於風中而是浮沉于大海裡。

Thou canst not understand my seafaring thoughts, nor would I have thee understand. I would be at sea alone.

你不會看透我在大海中孕育的思緒，我亦無意讓你看透，我情願與大海同流，獨自去領會。

When it is day with thee, my friend, it is night with me; yet even then I speak of the noontide that dances upon the hills and of the purple shadow that steals its way across the valley; for thou canst not hear the songs of my darkness nor see my wings beating against the stars -- and I fain would not have thee hear or see. I would be with night alone

當白晝與你同在，我的朋友，我的黑夜伴隨著我；但即使那時我也在談論著那跳躍於山巒間的陽光，也賞評著那在山谷裏偷得一席之地的絳紫峰影；因此你聽不到我黑夜裡縹緲的歌聲，也看不到我的翅膀向著群星奮力拍擊——我欣然於你的不聞不見，我只想與黑夜獨處。

When thou ascendest to thy Heaven I descend to my Hell -- even then thou callest to me across the unbridgeable gulf, "My companion, my comrade," and I call back to thee, "My comrade, my companion" -- for I would not have thee see my Hell. The flame would burn thy eyesight and the smoke would crowd thy nostrils. And I love my Hell too well to have thee visit it. I would be in Hell alone.

當你升上你的天堂，我則墜入我的地獄——儘管這時你在不可逾越的深淵那邊呼喚："我的同伴，我的朋友。"我高聲回應："我的朋友，我的同伴。"——而我並不想讓你見識我的地獄。那裏熾熱的火焰會灼傷你的雙眼，彌漫的濃煙將  塞你的鼻子。我因深愛我的地獄，而無意讓你來探訪，我只想獨自在地獄中。

Thou lovest Truth and Beauty and Righteousness; and I for thy sake say it is well and seemly to love these things. But in my heart I laugh at thy love. Yet I would not have thee see my laughter. I would laugh alone.

你熱愛真理、崇尚美與正義。爲了附和你，我說，這種熱愛是適宜而體面的。但在我心裡卻嘲笑你這份愛念。不過我不會讓你看到，我只想獨自笑個痛快。

My friend, thou art good and cautious and wise; nay, thou art perfect -- and I, too, speak with thee wisely and cautiously. And yet I am mad. But I mask my madness. I would be mad alone.

我的朋友；你善良，嚴慎而明智；不，不僅如此，你是完美無瑕的——於是我也睿智而謹慎地與你交談。那時我已變成了瘋子。但我在我的瘋狂外面罩了一層面具。因我只想獨自瘋狂。

My friend, thou art not my friend, but how shall I make thee understand? My path is not thy path, yet together we walk, hand in hand.

我的朋友，你實際並不是我的朋友，但我如何能讓你明白呢? 我走的不是你走的路，儘管你我仍舊相伴同行，手挽著手。

 

THE SCARECROW

稻草人

 

Once I said to a scarecrow, "You must be tired of standing in this lonely field?

有一回我對稻草人說："你總是孤獨守望在這片寂寞的土地上，你一定厭倦了吧？"

And he said, "The joy of scaring is a deep and lasting on, and I never tire of it."

 稻草人回答道："能使他人恐懼是一種深沈持久的樂趣，對此我永遠不感厭倦。"

Said I, after a minute of thought, "It is true; for I too have known that joy."

 我低頭沈思，然後說道："的確如此，因爲我也能領悟這種樂趣。"

Said he, "Only those who are stuffed with straw can know it."

 他說："只有那些身軀填滿稻草的人才能體味這樂趣。"

Then I left him, not knowing whether he had complimented or belittled me.

 於是我走開了，不知道這是恭維還是輕蔑。

A year passed, during which the scarecrow turned philosopher.

 一年過後，稻草人變成了一位哲學家。

And when I passed by him again I saw two crows building a nest under his hat.

當我再經過，看到兩隻烏鴉築了巢，在它的帽子下。

 

THE SLEEP-WALKERS

夢遊者

 

In the town where I was born lived a woman and her daughter, who walked in their sleep.

在我出生的那個城鎮，住著一個女人和她的女兒，她們常常夢遊。

One night, while silence enfolded the world, the woman and her daughter, walking, yet asleep, met in their mist-veiled garden.

 —天晚上，當萬籟俱寂之時，母親與女兒再次在睡夢中漫遊，她們在霧濛濛的花園中相遇。

And the mother spoke, and she said: "At last, at last, my enemy! You by whom my youth was destroyed -- who have built up your life upon the ruins of mine! Would I could kill you!"

 母親開口說："完了，完了，我的仇敵。是你，把我的青春消逝了。——是你，毀了我的生命來築起你的：我多麽想親手殺了你！"

And the daughter spoke, and she said: "O hateful woman, selfish and old! Who stand between my freer self and me! Who would have my life an echo of your own faded life! Would you were dead!"

女兒也開口了："喂，你這令人厭惡自私的老太婆！是你，扼殺了我嚮往自由的本性，你妄想將我年輕的生命成爲你褪色的生命的回聲! 我多麽希望你快去死！"

At that moment a cock crew, and both women awoke. The mother said gently, "Is that you, darling?" And the daughter answered gently, "Yes, dear."

 就在此時，傳來一聲雞鳴，母與女都從夢遊中醒來。母親溫柔地問道："是你嗎，寶貝?"女兒柔聲回答："是我，親愛的媽媽。"

紀伯倫的瘋子是我讀小學時已深深愛上的書, 我讀的那一本是從圖書館借來的, 因身上不會有一分一毫的零錢花!
這本借來的書, 左頁是英文, 右頁是中文翻譯, 相信那個是台灣的譯本, 很有水準, 到現在也印象深刻!
年多前, 從台灣買了一本龍應台的大江大海回來, 因渴望已久, 所以一口氣就將開頭的兩三章讀畢, 然後它就淪為了我房間裡其中一件飾品!
有一天, 無意中看到閑置在一角的它, 忽然很想繼續讀下去, 卻心生疑問, 我究竟讀到那章呢? 幸好有一個年歷咭夾在書中, 看看, 那咭已是上年的, 但好像也太陌生了吧, 可能要從新開始, 因很大可能我亦將讀過的頭兩三篇澈底地忘掉!
現在看書的歷程是, 看了開頭數頁, 眼睛開始疲累, 惟有暫且放下, 明天再繼續, 當明天拾起它, 怎麼又好像是全新的呢, 如是者, 每一天都是在看開頭的兩三頁, 相信若干年後, 我也是在看開頭的兩三頁, 是好事(省錢), 亦或是壞事(腦袋沒進帳)?